


see the madness in your smile

by toinkydoink



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Photography, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toinkydoink/pseuds/toinkydoink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Congratulations!</i> it says. <i>We are pleased to inform Matsumoto-san that he has been chosen to receive the University Scholarship.</i> Jun is a pharmacology scholarship recipient and Nino is his new roommate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	see the madness in your smile

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely [augustfai](http://augustfai.livejournal.com/) during [je_holiday 2009](http://toinkydoink.livejournal.com/8573.html). Moving a handful of my stuff from LJ to here; figured I'd start with one of my most favorite ones. :)

There are countless stories out there.

Stories of people completely immersing themselves with the beauty of nature—of the quiet countryside, of majestic beaches, of deserted islands. Of people falling in love with how wonderful everything _is_ , of how beautiful the world is for existing. Of people falling in love with each other while relishing in the fascination of it all, swept up in the cleanness and freshness of the air, of the sky, of the millions upon billions of twinkling stars over their heads.

What we rarely hear about, though, are stories of the city. Of how stunning the city is and of how people could fall just as romantically while surrounded by concrete roads and bustling crowds and artificial lights. A couple could be standing at a busy street corner as the world hurries around them. They would be in their own little bubble where time stands still, simply cherishing the fact that they are _there_ , at this very moment, together and happy.

They would be holding hands, and it would be the beginning of something beautiful.

 

 

"I need you," he hears himself say, a little too loud and forced, and he ducks his head as a few passersby give him curious looks. Everything is warm, so, _so_ warm even though they're standing in the middle of the street and the snow is still fluttering by. He thinks, passively, about how the snow would probably start melting around him, with the amount of heat he's radiating right now. His heart is drumming against his chest like he just raced up an unbelievable number of stairs in order to get onto the last train of the day.

The figure in front of him pauses— _just who_ is _this?_ he suddenly thinks, but the thought floats away before it can even settle down—and he feels his heart drumming ever faster, his cheeks blushing ever harder as the anxiety bubbling within him reaches a frantic peak. His hands clench into fists as he feels that string of hope floating in front of him, not wanting to mess up what might be the only chance that he's ever going to get. He wants to let the figure know everything he's feeling, everything that he's gone through, everything he's _willing_ to go through, but the thoughts and the words are all jumbled up and he can't find a way to fix them.

"More than anything in this world," he finally adds, the confession almost making his voice crack in a mix of both pride and desperation.

He comes closer and the figure's features start to come together into a mush of fuzzy details. But before the hazy mist in front of his eyes clears up, everything suddenly begins to swirl in a gigantic wall of color. He feels himself begin to spin, around and around and around, faster and faster until all the colors start blending away into white light. He doesn't feel dizzy, though, simply awed at being surrounded by such brightness. So, so bright, he murmurs, and he's still floating peacefully, basking quietly...

He blinks.

His eyes readjust to the dirty white paint on his ceiling. And as he reaches up to rub the sleep away from his eyes, Nino wonders just _why_ his brain refuses to give him something normal to dream about for a change.

 

\---

 

_zero_

The letter comes during a storm.

 _Congratulations!_ it says. _We are pleased to inform Matsumoto-san that he has been chosen to receive the University Scholarship, which will cover full tuition, housing, supplies, and basic essentials over the duration of his residence..._ he reads on, a mixture of happiness and excitement and relief and anxiousness quickly bubbling up inside him, his eyes widening as the gravity of the words drench him like the incredible showers of condensation dancing beyond his windowsill. Finally putting the sheet of paper down after reading it over for the tenth time, Jun exhales, his face a mere (highly understated, Jun would reflect later on, as he really, _really_ wanted to whoop for joy and do a happy dance at the time; he didn't, even though nobody was around to see it) reflection of a part of his emotions through the bright, bright smile that wrinkles the edges of his eyes.

He cannot wait.

 

\---

 

_one_

He opens the door to a dark, empty apartment.

While the six-hour bus ride from Fukushima was exhausting, Jun still finds himself unable to relax as faint tendrils of nervous tension keep running just beneath his skin. He has been reading and rereading the letter his new school sent him a few days before he left, his eyes repeatedly scanning over the name and major of his new roommate. Jun, more often than he's willing to actually admit, finds himself staring at the words on the page of the book he brought with him instead of reading them. At the back of his head, he tries to imagine what his new roommate looks like, hopes that he's a pretty neat person, that he's a night owl just like Jun, that they are going to get along. 

Which is precisely why his surprise is justifiable when said roommate isn't even there to greet him. Or at least help him with his stuff. Because really, now. Is that too much to ask?

It isn't like he has a lot of stuff with him, though, so Jun shrugs it off and walks towards the lone light left on at the end of the narrow hallway. The apartment is pretty decent, he observes, opening and closing doors as he acquaints himself with his surroundings. His new home has two bedrooms, a full bathroom, a combined living/dining room area, and a kitchen separated from the living room by a breakfast counter. 

The knowledge that he is alone finally seeping into his consciousness, he lets himself relax and decides to check the fridge for something to drink.

With a hand on the handle, Jun pauses. There is a note (scribbled with a pencil on a bright pink index card and tacked to the freezer door with a banana-shaped magnet) addressed to him.

Well, to Jun- _pon_. He blinks at the nickname in bafflement.

 

_Jun-pon~_

_Welcome! Feel free to make yourself at home. I'm at work right now, but I'll be back by 11. If you really want to meet me, though, I'm at the combini down the street. ♥_

_-Nino_

_PS: Sorry about the mess—haven't had the time to clean. ;D_

 

Jun looks around and blinks at the clock on the stove. The bright yellow-green numbers tell him that he still has around two and a half hours by himself, but he doesn't really register that fact. His mind is still hung up on the premature use of familiar language and the fact that, for some reason, the words are making all the tension in his body rush out of him. But the most important thing right now is the fact that his mind is still reeling from overanalyzing such a short note to think of anything else. 

Especially about the warm, fuzzy feeling growing in his chest as he looks back at the paper and stares at the sloppily filled-in heart a few seconds too long.

 

\---

 

_two_

The first time they meet, Jun is naked.

And in the bathtub, relaxing in the bath salted water (strawberry scented, his sister insisted. And even though he gave her a firm "no" with an equally firm stare, she still managed to sneak it into one of Jun's bags. Jun found it while unpacking his last bag, and after putting away the rest of his belongings, he picked it up, shrugged, and went, "Why not?") and inhaling the sweet scent, inwardly thanking her sister for never failing to prove that she knows him more than he will ever probably know himself.

And then the bathroom door swings open.

Before Jun could even form a protest or even a thought aside from _didn't I lock that?_ , Ninomiya, his new roommate, blinks, grins, and walks over to the toilet as he proudly held up a key to the bathroom doorknob in explanation. He pulls the lid down and sits on it, cross-legged, and completely comfortable despite Jun's embarrassment and lack of clothing. He pockets the key and links his fingers on his lap with an air of a veteran psychiatrist seeing a new customer for a consultation.

"Jun-pon~"

Jun blinks. Ninomiya lets out a soft chuckle. "My friends usually call me Nino, but you probably already got that much from my note." Jun feels his head nod slightly in response. Ninomiya raises a curious eyebrow as he watches Jun's face, a one-sided grin beginning to stretch his lips.

"So, pharmacology scholar, what time did you get here last night?"

Jun tries to clear his throat, desperately pushing away the feeling of dread brought by the fact that Ninomi— _Nino_ seems intent on having a conversation with him _right now_. He barely keeps himself from stuttering. "Um. Around half past eight, I think."

At this, Nino crosses his arms over his chest and slightly juts his lower lip out. Jun is surprised, but he is even more surprised to find himself thinking about how it looks kind of… _cute_.

"Why didn't you meet me at the combini, then? It was such a slow night and I was just standing by the register, shuffling money around and bored out of my skull."

Jun blinks. He feels his cheeks grow warm at the light teasing and he has no idea _why_. "I had to unpack my things," he explains, suddenly feeling unreasonably guilty about not taking up his roommate's offer despite the fact that it wasn't even an actual invitation.

"Mmm. True, true." Nino's pout disappears and he clucks his tongue thoughtfully instead. To Jun's relief, Nino stands up and starts heading for the door. The water is starting to get cold and it feels like his fingertips are beginning to get really wrinkly.

Before closing the door, Nino turns back around and gives Jun a smile. Jun is suddenly having a hard time swallowing properly. "You must be hungry. I'll heat up some leftover pizza from yesterday," he says before pulling the door closed.

A beat of silence passes, the soft click of the doorknob echoing both within the tiny bathroom and inside Jun's head. Jun snaps out of his daze, shaking his head before standing up and pulling the plug from the drain. Rubbing his hair with his towel, he finds himself thinking about how baffling his roommate really is. Not only does he disregard basic formalities with unfamiliar people, but he seems to disregard the concept of personal space even more.

Jun scowls at himself, sniffing and darkly muttering statements like _why did he have to do that_ or _what in the world is the matter with you, Jun, get a grip on yourself_ as he pulls on his boxers.

And on top of it all, his mind won't stop replaying that _smile_. 

 

\---

 

_three_

Nino adores photography.

He adores photography like he adores his video games, cheap food, weekly clearance specials at the supermarket, Aiba's piggyback rides, Sho's warm hugs, Ohno's soft lap, the fact that his new roommate ( _Matsumoto Jun, Pharmaceutical Science_ said a bolded line right in the middle of the note Housing sent him a few weeks prior. Nino stared at the name with a raised eyebrow before dropping the sheet of paper into the recycling bin) is a neat freak and manages to put the entire apartment in the most pristine state it has been for the past few months _and_ falls asleep within Nino's five hour shift the night he arrived, among a bunch of other things.

Nino takes pictures as if the camera is an extension of his body. (Which it is, in a way; Nino never, ever leaves his camera bag behind.) He takes images of moments that you would want to cherish at the back of your head forever, ready to pull out whenever you need to.

What makes his passion all the more precious, however, is the fact that he can capture those moments and turn them into actual, tangible things—things that faulty human memories cannot do or compete with. 

It's a small difference, Nino concedes, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it has the potential to be life-changing.

Like the moments when the sky turns into the most beautiful palette of pinks and oranges and violets as the first strings of the wonderfully dark blue evening slowly take over the vast, vast space above his head.

Like the moments when a little girl's face completely lights up when her father picks her up from kindergarten. Like the moments when the lines of stress around her father's eyes simply melt away as he takes a gentle hold of her hand while they bow their goodbyes to the teachers.

Like the moments when his new roommate's eyes sparkle and his cheeks turn into the most adorable shade of pink.

...wait. Who said that?

 

\---

 

_four_

The next day, Jun meets Aiba and Ohno.

Jun is hunched over his new Immunology textbook on the kitchen counter when the front door suddenly opens. Nino is taking a shower, and Jun stares, wide-eyed and at a complete loss for how to react, as the two figures walk across the hallway. The taller man in front struts happily inside and Jun notices the slight bounce in his step. He seems to handle himself like a bundle of energy ready to burst at any given moment. Behind him, a shorter man with chubby cheeks walks calmly, and Jun notes a silent grace—a grace that is almost a little _too_ silent, an unnoticeable force unless one actively searches for it—radiating from him. Both of them are moving around the house with an air of being well-acquainted with their surroundings.

The taller man's eyes fall to the stool at the kitchen counter and he pauses, the shorter man behind him almost running into him upon the sudden standstill. A beat, and the taller man's (immensely gorgeous features, Jun realizes with a start) seemingly eternally inquisitive expression rearranges to give him a sheepish one. "Oh! Did I startle you? Sorry about that," he says, his voice a raspy tenor that Jun immediately ascertains as probably one of the man's unique and endearing features.

There is a beat of silence before the shorter man speaks up, a clean, powerful tenor that completely contrasts the timbre of his companion. "Ah! You must be Nino's new roommate, aren't you?"

Before Jun could open his mouth to respond, the taller man makes a noise of exclamation, his fingers snapping in a gesture of recollection. "Oh! The pharmacology scholar, right?"

They watch him curiously for a response, and Jun flushes from both the attention and the fact that his name is seemingly already being brought up in casual conversation despite the fact that classes have not even started. "Um, yeah, I am."

Shrugging away the fact that he is currently talking to two strangers standing in his apartment, he stands up and offers his hand. "I'm Matsumoto Jun. And you guys must be Nino's friends?"

The two men gaze at his hand before turning to look at each other, goofy smiles slowly spreading on their faces. Jun can feel his hand twitch, unsure of what he had done. 

Before he could withdraw his hand and drown in the humiliation of being ignored—he suddenly gets a face full of the taller man's hair as a warm body is suddenly _there_ , in his personal space, leaning on his side. He feels an arm wrap firmly around his neck. "You're too formal, Matssun~" he says before giggling, and Jun, scrunching his nose at yet another unwanted nickname, is suddenly very sure that these people are Nino's friends. "You're part of the family now! Get used to it as soon as you can," he continues, and Jun notices that the smaller man is smiling approvingly from the spot on the floor that he seems to be rooted onto. Jun is torn between feeling warmly welcomed and unbelievably frightened.

Jun feels a rush of relief when Nino finally comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a bright green towel around his waist. The gratitude is short-lived, however, when Jun notices the lack of clothing, his eyes following a droplet of water slowly making its journey from Nino's shoulder to the pale skin just above where the fuzzy green cloth is hugging his hips. Jun shakes himself from the daze with a flinch.

Nino is frowning as he approaches them. He speaks to the man beside Jun, tone flat and eyes giving off a glint that promises extreme pain if his warning is not heeded. "I heard you barge right in even though my head was completely under a stream of water. When you unhinge my door, you're going to have to pay for the repairs."

The taller man gives Nino a sheepish grin as he lets go of Jun to rub a hand at the back of his neck. Jun mourns the sudden lack of warmth over his shoulders and he feels himself take an unconscious step closer to its source. The taller man sees this and grins, his eyes squeezing into upward arches that make Jun grin back. "I'm Aiba Masaki, by the way. 'Aiba' is completely fine, despite the fact that Nino gets a kick from calling me 'idiot'. That guy flirting with Nino over there," he tilts his head to the side, "is Ohno Satoshi. We call him 'Leader' or 'Captain'. And!" he exclaims as he notices Jun open his mouth to ask, "We have no idea why we do, so don't even bother asking." He smiles when Jun closes his mouth. "He doesn't look the part at all, but he's actually graduating this year. Surprising, isn't it? Maybe that's why we call him Leader after all..." he muses, and they both turn to watch the two poke each other.

Nino prods Ohno on the side, making him flinch and curve his body away from Nino's finger. Nino grins and looks at Aiba. "Where's Sho?" he asks, and frowns and smacks Ohno's hands away when Ohno tries to retaliate. Ohno pouts. Aiba replies, "Spending time with family," while Ohno says, "Studying." 

Nino rolls his eyes. "As always," he murmurs before looking at Jun. "You'll meet him soon enough, I'm sure. If you haven't been scarred enough by these two, that is." He smiles, ignoring Aiba's squawk of protest and stopping Ohno's hand from smacking him on the shoulder. "Stop it, you," he says before laughing at Ohno's half-hearted attacks.

And then as if the past few minutes never occurred, Nino suddenly looks at Jun with an odd expression. Jun blinks, confused and unable to see past the guarded curiosity covering something else entirely different.

 

\---

 

_five_

Every day, Jun eats lunch at two in the afternoon. Alone.

Apparently, two in the afternoon is an ungodly hour to eat lunch, and his new acquaintances have either already eaten or have classes during this time.

It's not that Jun particularly minds eating alone. He just thinks it would be nice if he had someone to talk to as he went through his salad, that's all.

It is the fourth day of class, and Jun still hasn't found a lunch buddy. He approaches his now usual spot, an empty picnic table that's a little closer to the trees than it is to the buildings. He sets his tray down on the edge of the table and sits, pausing to take in, once more, how eerily quiet it is to be eating by himself. He sighs.

Suddenly, there's a brown bag in front of him.

Nino sits down and pulls the brown bag towards him. Without a word, he pulls out the lunch he packed this morning, the sound of lids being pulled away and plastic containers being ripped open piercing through the confusion that Jun's stare brings. Nino picks up his chopsticks, mutters his grace, and picks up a small piece of chicken.

Chopsticks raised aloft with chicken still intact, Nino meets Jun's stare with an impatient look. "Flies are going to get to your food first if you don't start now," he deadpans before dropping the food into his mouth. Jun, flustered, looks down on his salad and stabs a cherry tomato. They finish their meals in silence, but Jun doesn't stop grinning the entire time.

They eat together ever since.

 

\---

 

_six_

The next week, Nino brings Sho to the lunch table.

Sakurai Sho is a biomedical engineering for pre-medicine major, and he introduces himself to Jun as such. He also works part-time as a DJ for the campus radio station on weekends.

Jun is _fascinated_. Sho has a certain air about him, a charming, gentle aura that has a tendency to make people flock over to him whenever he's around. Jun is surprised at the lack of a large crowd of people following him.

There's also the fact that right after Nino's introductions (with Nino telling Sho that his name is "Jun-pon"), Sho gives Jun an incredibly friendly smile. And, noticing the look of defeat that crosses Jun's face when the -pon nickname is brought up, Sho completely ignores Nino's suggestion and asks, "Is it alright for me to call you 'Jun-kun' instead?"

Despite Nino's warning, "You shouldn't get charmed by that smile, Jun-tan. (His nickname changes whenever Nino feels like it, and Jun has more or less gotten used to it after the first week.) Sho-san is the definition of 'dork' even with that fancy engineering major attached to his name." Jun can't stifle that small flipping thing his stomach does every time Sho looks at him and asks him a question.

But for some reason, Jun keeps on getting distracted from Sho's dazzling smile. Even while Sho is in the middle of talking about something really interesting, Jun can't help but look away and focus on the stubby fingers that keep on mooching off of his french fries instead.

 

\---

 

_seven_

It's only been a month into school and Jun is already drowning in tables that need to be memorized, data that needs to be calculated and organized, tomes upon tomes of various medical texts that need to be read, tests that need to be taken, papers that need to be written. The list seems endless and during one sunny afternoon, Jun snaps.

 _Murder me. Just murder me._ He internally screams, because the weather is so _nice_ and he's stuck in the gloomy apartment, moping around the living room floor with his notes spread out in front of him like a decorative floor rug. With a heavy sigh, he (barely calmly) puts his pencil down, pulls on his shoes, and takes a walk outside. 

There is a small park across their apartment building, and Jun hasn't had a chance to visit it because of all the work he is buried under. The thought of all the work he still needs to do depresses him, so he pushes the thought away before he can think further into it.

He shoves his hands into his pockets and walks toward a clump of trees by the corner of the park, figuring that it would be the most peaceful place.

Walking past a large tree, he reaches a tiny meadow. By the opposite end, Jun sees another person crouching by a patch of taller grass.

It's Nino, he realizes as he walks closer to the man. Nino with a camera in his hands. 

Jun accidentally steps on a twig.

 

Nino hears a noise off to his left. He looks up from his camera's viewfinder to find Jun watching him curiously, an embarrassed grin stretching his lips. He grins back and waves a hand over before going back to refocusing his lens on the ladybug he found. 

He can sense Jun standing less than a few feet away from him and he puts a finger up in warning before taking a shot. After a few moments, he looks up with a triumphant grin that reaches his eyes as the ladybug flies away. "Perfect. Just what I needed," he says, his voice softly piercing through the peaceful air that surrounds nature during twilight.

He raises his arms over his head and stretches out on the ground, placing his camera on his stomach as he watches a few clouds float by. His eyes scrunch close as he lets out a large yawn, and he feels Jun settle down beside him. When Nino opens his eyes, he sees Jun looking at something off into the distance. Curious, he sits up.

There, over a small clump of dandelions, is a fluttering yellow-green light.

"It's a firefly," Nino breathes, surprised. Fireflies are a rarity in the city. He looks at Jun, wide-eyed, as if wanting to confirm his observation. Jun's smile is answer enough.

They watch in silence as the firefly flies up, up, up towards the tops of the trees, its light glowing brighter against the rapidly darkening pink and purple sky.

Jun breaks the silence.

"You know, you don't really have to call me 'Jun-pon,'" he says, and Nino looks at him, confusion evident in the way his eyebrow is raised. Jun flushes a little and elaborates. "At this point, I'd rather you call me 'Jun' than anything. N-Not that I think we're already at that stage, or—" he struggles to find the right words as Nino continues to watch him quietly, now amused, "It's just. I haven't been called nicknames like that since I was, you know, five or something. And I don't really know how I feel about having someone call me names like that right now. And, so. Um. Yeah," Jun finishes, blushing hotly at the awkward ending of his little rant. He shifts his eyes somewhere to his left when he notices Nino's eyes sparkling in amusement.

"Okay, _Jun_ ," Nino replies, and Jun's cheeks look like they're not going to stop being red anytime soon, "I'll stop the nicknames if you promise me something." Jun finally looks back at him and Nino grins.

"The next time we're outside, you're going to model for me."

 

\---

 

_eight_

"Toma-kun has the flu" is what greets Jun the moment he opens the front door. 

Nino sidesteps him and starts heading for the elevators. "I have to cover his shift so I'm not going to be back until past midnight," he says, waving as the elevator doors close.

And thus, tonight is the first time Jun spends his night alone since he first arrived. Not that he minds, of course, but ever since Jun arrived, Nino had always worked morning shifts, preferring to spend his evenings at home, either playing video games or bothering Jun.

Nino says it's because he takes the best pictures with the afternoon sun, but after establishing the habit of rolling around on Jun's bed the moment he steps into the house after classes, Jun can't help but think otherwise.

Jun knows he should be grateful for the silence, but tonight is one of those rare times where he actually has free time, and the silent apartment only feels emptier without the background music of Nino's video games playing or the sound of Nino's voice asking Jun a bunch of questions about cholinergic and adrenergic drugs. (While he should probably appreciate the revision, they haven't even covered those chapters in class yet.)

So for lack of anything better to do, Jun decides to get ready for bed two hours earlier than usual. He is in his most comfortable pair of sweats and a ratty t-shirt, wearing a pair of glasses that make him "look dorkier than Sho, even," as Nino says. He's freshly showered, a big red mug of warm tea in one hand as he walks to his room to get the book he's been meaning to finish since goodness-knows-when, but hasn't been able to because school _kills_ , but he finally has the time for it and—

Just what was that noise outside?

He pauses at the hallway, a hand on the doorknob to his room, blinking at the front door and contemplating whether he's curious enough to stride over and open it. But then—

"NEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOO~" Jun hears giggles, and then the heavy sound of someone running _right into the door_.

 

Aiba, Sho, and Ohno are drunk out of their minds because Ohno's girlfriend broke up with him ("...so what if I fish too much? Whatever. The fishes will still love meeee~" Ohno slurs, and Sho murmurs his agreement while Aiba nods vigorously) and Aiba and Sho took Ohno out to help him forget. You know, to help cope somehow. It's stupid, but it's either that, or let Ohno roam around drunk and alone and suffer the risk of him falling and getting hurt in some alley at Roppongi. At least this is what Sho tries to tell Jun in a rush of half-coherent, murmured words as Aiba giggles and clings onto Ohno's back.

The three of them end up lying across the living room floor and Jun sighs. Instead of leaving them there to pass out, he starts bustling around to make sure they're comfortable.

Ohno giggles in thanks when Jun tucks him onto a makeshift futon from the extra blankets and pillows that he and Nino keep in the storage cabinets. Aiba and Sho are already asleep, warm and comfortable in their own cocoons. 

"No wonder Nino likes you so much," Ohno says, and Jun freezes. Did he hear that right?

Jun shushes him, brushing the thought away. When Ohno finally falls asleep, Jun walks to his bedroom. The apartment is quiet again.

Jun closes the door behind him and leans onto the dark wood. His eyes land on the mug of half-finished tea on his desk and he sighs. It's probably cold by now. He didn't even get to read his book.

He can still feel his heart racing.

 

\---

 

_nine_

One day, Nino discovers magic.

Jun can feel Nino's quiet stare slowly burning a hole through the top of his head from across the room. He sniffs and pushes his glasses back up, willing himself with everything that he has to concentrate on his Therapeutics homework.

Nino clears his throat. Jun bites his lower lip.

After the third throat clearing, Jun gives in. He looks up and says, "Maybe you should have a cough drop or—"

"Pick a card, any card," Nino interrupts, triumphant grin stretching his lips as he presents Jun with a fanned out deck of cards.

With a resigned sigh, he plucks a card out from the middle of the deck and flips it over. The four of hearts.

"You can put it back anywhere you like." Jun replaces the card and Nino starts a spectacular show of shuffling his deck. He cuts the deck in half and asks Jun to pick one. Jun picks the right deck and he starts shuffling the left. He repeats the action three more times.

Rather than watching Nino's hands, however, Jun can't help but watch Nino's face as he goes through the actions. Nino's features take on a look of utter concentration, his eyes focused on the task at hand.

Nino flips a card. It's the seven of spades. Jun frowns.

"Not yours?" Nino frowns for a moment before pursing his lips as he stares at a spot on Jun's book. Jun looks down, following Nino's line of sight. There, sticking out from the top of his book, is the corner of one of Nino's cards. Jun's eyes widen as he reaches for it and flips it over.

The four of hearts.

He feels his mouth drop open as he looks back at Nino. Nino is smiling, his eyes sparkling with pride. Jun closes his mouth and swallows, trying to push away the sudden fluttering feeling in his stomach. "You've gotten pretty good at this. How many weeks has it been? Two? Three?"

"Three and a half," Nino replies almost shyly, snatching the card from Jun's fingers as he resumes shuffling. His cheeks are tinged with a slight pink. Jun can feel his cheeks heat up in response, the way Nino's eyes sparkled still firmly stuck in his head.

 

Somehow, it has become Jun's goal to make Nino's eyes to sparkle like that. Like he's looking at something precious and magical.

 

\---

 

_ten_

Jun is waiting for the water for his tea to boil when Nino asks him to take a walk outside together. He has his camera at hand.

When Jun hesitates, eyeing the camera wearily, Nino frowns. "You remember your promise, don't you?" 

Jun gives in despite being unsure of what's expected from him.

It's late afternoon once more, and Nino makes an appreciative noise as he looks at the orange sky. "So pretty~" he murmurs, and Jun suddenly realizes that Nino really _does_ like taking pictures during this time. 

They are walking through a narrow street when Nino suddenly pauses. Jun turns around and watches Nino curiously as Nino gazes thoughtfully at a spot beside a telephone pole. Before Jun could ask, Nino looks up and gestures him closer. "Could you crouch down over here for me?" he says as he holds his camera up.

And it begins.

Nino takes numerous pictures of Jun. Crouching beside that telephone pole. Walking. Against a graffiti-covered wall. Seated on a street curb beside a fire hydrant. With every shot, Jun gets more and more flustered, thinking about how he has barely gotten any sleep during the past _month_ and he probably looks sweaty and gross and _he has his dorky glasses on_ and really, why would Nino want a picture of him looking so horrible?

But then he watches Nino. Nino indulging in one of his passions. Jun recognizes that look on his face; it's that look from whenever he asks Jun to "Pick a card, any card."

It's that look of utter concentration, and, it hits Jun like a slap to the face, _he's_ the focus of everything right now. He's suddenly nervous and excited at the same time.

Jun's leaning on his side against a white wall and the setting sun is against his face. He squints away from the brightness and, with gentle fingers on his chin, Nino turns his head slightly off to the side to help with the glare. 

"It's really bright," Jun murmurs, desperately hoping that the comment distracts Nino from noticing his flushed cheeks. When Nino doesn't respond, Jun finally voices his thoughts from earlier, "And I probably look really tired. Are you sure you're fine with this?"

Nino shushes him as he steps back, taking a few shots and readjusting the lens before repeating the action. Jun bites the inside of his cheek and looks at a couple of pigeons resting on a telephone line.

Nino probably thinks Jun's attention isn't on him anymore, and he quietly murmurs something to his camera, figuring Jun wouldn't hear. "But it doesn't matter at all whether you look really tired or not, you're still beautiful."

But Jun _is_ paying attention. In shock, Jun's eyes snap back to the camera lens. Nino's eyes widen behind the viewfinder and he slowly lowers his camera, watching it closely as he switches the device off. His cheeks are bright red.

When Nino looks up again, he doesn't look directly into Jun's eyes. "We should probably head back, huh," he says, and they walk back together. As the sun sets behind them, a veil of awkwardness over their heads silences all conversation. Jun looks down on the ground and notices that their shadows are overlapping. He chances a glance at Nino.

Nino's looking at their shadows too. 

 

\---

 

_eleven_

When Jun comes home four days later, he finds a black and white picture of him on his desk. He remembers the exact moment all too clearly: it was from That Moment. The moment when Nino murmured something quietly to himself, thinking Jun wouldn't understand what he was saying. Thing is, Jun _did_ and it was a little overwhelming and embarrassing at the same time and—

At this rate, Jun thinks, still utterly perplexed after all this time at the fluttering in his stomach as he runs his fingertips across the glossy surface, he doesn't know when his heart would slow down from chasing whatever it has been after, beating so loudly like that.

 

\---

 

_twelve_

The next day, Jun runs into Aiba at the bookstore. With a shy grin from Jun at Aiba's cheery invitation, they sit down, hot paper cups warming their chilled fingertips, at one of the tiny tables of the bookstore's cafe.

This is the first time Jun spends time with Aiba alone, and he's surprised to find out that Aiba's a pretty amazing guy. Not that Jun didn't think he was already awesome before, but there was something about Aiba that seemed to change whenever he was with the others. It almost felt like he was holding back on something, like he was keeping a little secret from everyone else. But then again, Jun feels like he can grasp that little mysterious connection; he feels really open to Aiba, like he'd be able to talk about anything and everything and Aiba would watch him with his bright, earnest eyes the entire time, the edges of his lips slightly curled up in a soft smile as he drinks up every word.

Their conversation lulls into a comfortable silence and Jun looks out of the window. It is close to the late afternoon and the sun is casting a weak orange hue over everything. Jun watches as the wind gushes through a line of tall trees across the street, taking a flutter of leaves in its swirling, twirling path before dropping it onto the concrete. More and more leaves start to fall over one another, creating a thin but vast blanket of golden yellows and pale oranges and warm browns that covers the entire street. 

Jun feels his lips stretch into a small smile at the sight; he has always loved autumn for its soothing colors. He takes a sip of his tea as he continues to watch the wind flirt with the trees. It is such a mesmerizing sight—the kind of moment that one would cherish endlessly. He releases a soft sigh when he realizes that he didn't bring his camera with him today.

But before Jun could linger any longer on this slight regret, his thoughts are broken by a soft exclamation from across the table. Jun looks back at the man sitting across him to find Aiba bent on his side, lips pursed as his hands busied themselves with a search for something within his backpack. A few seconds later, Aiba straightens back up with a soft "Ah! There you are," and a wide grin stretching his face as he pulls out a thick brown envelope from the confines of his bag. Aiba pushes it closer to Jun without offering any sort of explanation. When Jun raises an eyebrow, Aiba's triumphant smile turns a little sheepish as he lets out a breathy giggle. "Oh! Well, of course you probably haven't seen one of these envelopes before, huh. Could you hand it to Nino when you get home? He left it in my apartment the last time he came over." He nods towards the envelope and Jun reaches for it. He lifts the flap and pulls out the contents. 

Pictures. 

The topmost sheet of glossy paper shows a black and white concrete curb with a few leaves scattered around. Despite the lack of color, the image still manages to convey a dulled sort of warmth. Jun finds himself in awe as he rakes his eyes across the small sheet, trying to take in every minute detail and thinking about how well they reinforce its beauty.

"Well, don't just stare at the first one. Look through all of them!" Jun blinks. He gives Aiba a brief, dazed glance as he puts the empty envelope back on the table. He reaches up with his now-empty hand to move the first picture to the bottom of the pile. It's another picture of a leaf-covered sidewalk, but it definitely isn't any less warmer than the first one. Jun gazes at the picture longer than what is probably usual before moving onto the next one. And the next one. And then the next one after that. 

There are pictures of the sky, of clouds, of the tops of towering city buildings with the vast sky even further away from them. There are also pictures in color. Pictures of people hurriedly walking across a busy intersection, of cars zooming through the streets, of the fat, fat pigeons tottering around the edge of train platforms. There is one of a little girl crying, her eyes and tears sparkling brightly against the bright afternoon sun. And then there is another of the same girl now standing a little ways from the camera, the bright, bright grin across her face rivaling the brightness of her surroundings as she stared at a big, happy red balloon floating a few inches over her head, its white string bowed around her tiny wrist. 

And then there are more pictures of the autumn. Pictures of beautiful, beautiful streets with magnificent ancient trees that have yellowing leaves, swaying, swinging, swirling, flying, falling, floating along the cool autumn breeze. It's breathtaking.

It is the epitome of a moment in your life that you want to cherish forever, but never could.

Beautiful. Every single one.

With every picture, Jun finds himself more and more fascinated, slowly but surely filled with so much awe that he doesn't even notice his mouth opening to form a small 'o' of wonder. He reaches the end of the pile and blinks, slowly slipping the pictures back into the envelope before breathing a soft, "wow" to himself.

Aiba looks up from his half-filled Sudoku grid. "Amazing, isn't he?" he says, proudly, and it just _hits_ Jun and he doesn't know if he wants to burst out in laughter or curl up in despair at his inability to connect the more-than-obvious dots. Jun ends up letting out a half-laugh, half-wail of disbelief as he stares at Aiba with wide eyes. 

"Wait. These are Nino's?" he asks even though he already knows the answer; he can already _feel_ how right ( _rightly ironic?_ Jun ponders for a fleeting moment before remembering the past few weeks and quickly throws out the thought) it is, that these pictures are reflecting Nino's passion, are reflecting _Nino_ so well.

Aiba laughs good-naturedly and replies, "He's on a _full_ scholarship for photography—what do you expect? I mean, have you ever heard of people getting full scholarships for photography? Seriously. Not many people get that, right?"

"That's true. I remember being surprised when I read his major," Jun replies, and Aiba nods vigorously.

"Want to know something else that's kind of weird?" He raises an index finger to emphasize his point. When Jun shakes his head, Aiba leans forward as if preparing to disclose a scandalizing secret, "Despite being a photography major, he rarely takes out his camera even though he brings it everywhere with him. Ever notice that?"

Jun blinks. He hasn't.

Aiba watches Jun's reaction. "I'm not kidding. It's seriously blue-moon-rarely rarely. When I asked him about it, he said, 'I only take it out when there's something worth taking it out for.' And he used that really serious tone so I'm pretty sure he wasn't kidding about it at all."

Jun's eyebrows furrow as he tries to think of a time where he has seen Nino without his camera at hand.

He wonders why he's drawing a blank.

 

\---

 

_thirteen_

Holiday season is nearing. 

Jun knows the city almost by heart now, which makes him happy because he feels more or less at home this way. He is well-acquainted with the surroundings and he's learned to love the city in all its beautifully noisy, crowded, neon-lit splendor.

And by some odd coincidence, ever since that photoshoot, Nino has been getting late night shifts at the combini, leaving Jun alone during the evening. He's also started going to school at ungodly hours in the morning without even leaving a note for Jun when he usually would. (They would be random, simple things like _We're out of milk—but I guess I could get that since I work at a combini, huh. ♥_ on the freezer door or _Take a break once in a while, will you? You'll have gray hair in five years if you keep stressing yourself out the way you are right now. ♥_ taped right in the middle of the television screen. Jun always stared at the sloppy hearts.) He never thought he'd actually miss the sight of those neon index cards plastered all over the place.

Nino isn't there during lunch either. Jun asks the other three (Ohno and Aiba joining them when their schedules allow) about it after the fourth day.

"He's probably really busy taking pictures somewhere," Aiba says around a mouthful of fried chicken. After chiding Aiba for talking with his mouth full, Sho looks at Jun and gives him a smile that's a little _too_ understanding for Jun's comfort. "The seasons are about to change again, so he's probably trying to get as many good shots of autumn as he can before the trees lose their colors." The response is so logical, Jun stops thinking of the matter altogether.

But Sho's response doesn't change the fact that Jun has not even _seen_ Nino in ages (apart from the occasional split-second glimpse of him running from one building to another), much less actually talk to him.

Jun doesn't really know how he ends up thinking about all this when he's about to go Christmas shopping, but just as he reaches the dark foyer, he stumbles over Nino as Nino puts on his shoes.

Jun gapes at Nino from his spot on the floor. "You're actually here?"

"...well, _obviously._ You wouldn't have kneed me upside the head otherwise," Nino replies as he rubs the back of his head with a grimace.

Jun mumbles a sheepish apology. Nino shrugs it away, murmuring in response. "S'not a big deal, really."

They sit in silence.

Nino looks at Jun's coat draped over an arm. "Are you planning on going somewhere?"

Jun nods. "Yeah. Christmas shopping."

"Ah." Nino smiles. "I should probably do that soon too."

"Do you want to come with me?" The question is out of his mouth before Jun can stop it. He blushes, suddenly very grateful for the dim lighting. He braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

Which, conversely, makes the confirmation all the more shocking. "Sure. I've been wanting to take a look at the holiday displays some shops most likely already have up anyway."

As Nino leads them towards the elevators, Jun notices Nino's right hand firmly grasping his camera.

 

\---

 

_fourteen_

Everything is bathed in dramatic lighting. 

Nino was right, Jun muses amusedly. It's already holiday season around this part of the city. 

They are walking by a long row of store windows, finally finished with shopping. Jun is carrying numerous bags in both hands while Nino walks beside him, carrying nothing but the camera in his hands. (The entire time, Nino picked up random things and commented on how expensive they were while Jun looked through the clearance sections.)

Nino stops and steps closer to one of the windows. Jun, busy with making sure he has a gift for everyone on his list, doesn't realize that Nino is gone until half a minute later, and he backtracks to find Nino watching the fancy display of the toy store in mild amusement.

There's something about how the lighting from the window lands on Nino's face. It makes his face almost glow, accentuating the gentle curve of his nose, the soft slopes of his lips, the sharp angles of his jaw.

Jun can feel his heart beat against his chest as he asks for Nino's camera. He inwardly flinches as he hears Aiba's voice from back then. _Oh, and he never lets anyone touch his camera. Ever._

For some reason, the recollection just makes Jun's heart beat harder.

Nino looks at him, untangles the camera's neck strap from around his wrist, and hands him the camera without a word.

Jun can feel his heart beating.

Faster, even faster.

He takes a picture of Nino smiling at the toy train zooming by on the other side of the glass.

 

\---

 

_fifteen_

A week later, he sees Nino's smiling face on his desk. It comes with a neatly written note on that familiar, brightly colored index card. It is orange today.

_What in the world are you doing in pharmacology? Switch to photography—you have potential._

Jun smiles and tacks the picture up on his white board, beside a picture of a girl with a balloon.

 

\---

 

_sixteen_

They're in front of that toy store again. The one with the train zooming around and around on an oval track.

 _Hello déjà vu_ , Nino's thoughts greet dryly as his heart sinks at the recognition. He's not exactly sure how they got to this, but the next time he comes to his senses, he's standing in front of Jun who is currently looking at him like he's expecting something. That all too familiar feeling of anxiety starts bubbling up; his dream did not tell him much of what happened.

The words are out of his mouth before he could even catch them.

"I need you," he hears himself say, and it's as loud and as forced as he heard it that first time. He sees a few passersby give him curious looks and he ducks his head further into his scarf, slightly embarrassed at what he had just done. Even though snow is fluttering around them, Nino feels warm, so, so warm, with the way his cheeks feel like they are glowing and the way he's working up a pretty decent sweat under his coat. He starts thinking about how the snow is probably melting around him before stopping, more details of his dream rushing to him like the powerful ocean waves against a large rock. He still can't brush away the feeling of repetition hovering at the back of his head.

Jun's— _The figure! That figure was Jun!_ Nino thinks fleetingly in awe—shoulders tense and Nino feels his anxiety bubble up into a frantic peak. His confession feels lacking, and his gloved hands clench into fists as he struggles to find the right words to say, the right words to express how much Jun matters.

"More than anything in this world," he says in the end, his voice almost cracking as he finishes. 

A few beats of deafening silence pass before Nino gives in. Taking a deep breath, he swallows his anxiety and takes a few steps forward. Before Nino can get any closer to Jun, Jun's eyes widen, his face transforming into an expression that Nino has never seen on Jun's face. Nino pauses, hesitates, and Jun whirls around and walks away.

Nino freezes, his heart sinking at the implication of Jun's actions. He thinks about how he didn't get a clear answer, and _screw it all_ , he's going to get an answer no matter what. But then he realizes that he has no idea where Jun walked off to.

So naturally, he heads home.

 

Whether it's the gods smiling down upon him or it's the obvious course of action, it turns out that Nino ends up following Jun to the apartment. Nino realizes this when he spots a tall figure in a bright purple fleece coat and a matching hat walk towards his apartment door at the end of the hallway.

Jun leaves the door wide open when he walks in, and Nino's heart begins hammering against his chest once more.

The moment Nino reaches the door and places a hand on the doorknob to close it, he is met by a hand forcefully gripping the front of his coat. 

The hand pulls roughly. 

The gesture would have made him fall face-first on the floor if it weren't for the solid figure that's both pulling him down and holding him up. The door shuts with a loud bang, loud enough to echo through their floor and shake some piles of snow loose from the front balconies, but Nino doesn't hear this—all he hears is the loud crack that his back makes when it is pushed back into the door.

And then there are cold lips on his. In surprise, he opens his mouth and then a warm tongue slides quickly inside, tickling the roof of his mouth and tracing his teeth. 

It finally clicks.

Nino could say that he could feel his heart burst from his chest if he weren't so distracted with pulling Jun's body closer, ever closer.

Nino could also say that he wants to capture this moment, his eyes closing to imagine what's in front of him in the darkness right now. He wants to capture the way Jun's lips are swollen and glistening, the way his eyes are bright with emotion, the way his cheeks are flushed, the way his skin is glowing with a light sheen of sweat—

Jun pulls away then, murmuring a low "Merry Christmas" against his ear before licking it, and all thoughts of photography fly away.

It's too dark to take pictures anyway.

 

\---

 

_seventeen_

_Silence._

"..."

"..."

"...why are you so quiet?"

He frowns, the only indication that the question was actually heard. 

"..."

"..."

"...no, seriously."

He hears the soft clicking of fingers against plastic buttons. A few seconds later, he feels his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He doesn't take it out.

"..."

"...are you even going to answer that?"

A look.

"...I use a keyboard or pen and paper to talk more than I use my mouth."

A smirk.

"That's because your mouth is usually occupied with something else, isn't it."

Jun stands up and walks over to the kitchen, but not until after giving a smugly grinning Nino a glare and a smack at the back of the head.

The whining "Ow~" that echoes through the quiet apartment makes Jun smile.

 

\---

 

_eighteen_

And then it's spring again, the time for warmer weather, cherry blossom viewings, and final exams.

The five of them are sprawled across the living room, the television's low murmurs serving as background noise as they immerse themselves in their own piles of books and notes.

After staying in the same position for four hours, Jun is the first to give in. He straightens up from his notes, wincing as he feels his neck crack in three different places. "Let's take a break. I'll make some tea," he says, and the room is suddenly filled with soft grunts and groans as everyone puts down whatever they were focusing on to stretch.

Nino takes out some cookies as Jun finishes preparing the tea. As they bring the trays over to the table, Aiba turns up the volume on the television and Sho rolls onto his stomach before planting his face on a pillow. Ohno is doodling something on an index card.

They are watching one of those game shows with a group of handsome men as hosts. Aiba laughs as one of the hosts makes a spectacularly dramatic scene in failing to catch any of the foam pipes. Jun chuckles along—Aiba's laughter, no matter what the reason, is always infectious.

As Jun reaches for a cookie on the table, fingers slowly slip into his other hand. Feeling his face flush—he's probably never going to get over acting like a teenager at this rate, he figures—he gives Nino's hand a light squeeze.

When Nino smiles, Jun can't help but smile back.

 

\---

 

_nineteen_

If Jun could choose a moment where everything began, he would choose this place. "It's peaceful, it's pretty, and it's kind of romantic," he says. "Plus, no one was naked."

Nino laughs at that. "So what if you were naked? You probably already fell in love with me the moment you saw my note on the fridge."

Jun scoffs before replying. "Did not. I was wondering how someone could mess up so much when drawing a heart." He laughs, half-heartedly slapping Nino's hands away when Nino tries to smack a hand on his chest.

Suddenly, Nino speaks softly. "Hey, look. It's a firefly." The statement lulls them into a comfortable silence as they watch the firefly flutter about.

It's summer, and they are in that same meadow in the park, basking in the warmth and peacefulness of yet another twilight. They are lying on the grass, side by side, the tip of Nino's sneaker lightly tapping against Jun's, their elbows touching, the tips of their fingers loosely intertwined.

"See why I'd choose here?" Jun whispers. He smiles as Nino gasps, and they watch as the lone firefly is joined with another, their yellow-green abdomens glowing brighter than ever before.

 

\---

 

_ninety-nine_

Jun opens the door to a dark and empty apartment, save for a lone light coming from Nino's bedroom. 

He slips off his shoes and walks over to Nino's doorframe, frowning at the owner's seemingly hasty departure. (Nino never leaves the lights on if they weren't being used.) But then again, when Jun was getting ready to go home, Sho asked him to make sure Nino remembers that they are supposed to meet sometime tonight. Judging from the state that he left his room in, Nino remembered the meeting, if only barely.

Jun grasps the doorjamb, examining the room for anything out of place other than the lit desk lamp. His eyes fall on a bright pink index card in the middle of the floor. Knowing Nino, however, Jun knew that he didn't leave it there on purpose. As if on cue, Jun feels a slight breeze flow through the half-open window and understands.

Jun takes a step into Nino's room and picks up the card to place it back onto the desk. When he finally looks at it properly, however, the sloppy doodle makes him smile. It is Ohno's work from when the other three last visited: a picture of Nino wearing a bundle of sunglasses across his face. When Ohno gave him the picture, Nino raised an eyebrow but refrained himself from questioning Ohno's imagination. He simply gave Ohno a peck on a cheek and a sing-songed, "Why, thank you, Leader~" before going back to studying his Contemporary Art History notes.

Jun sighs happily at the memory, musing about how it's been a while since their friends visited as he puts down the card and reaches over to close the window. But before Jun can fully slide it shut, another slight gust of wind sneaks in and ruffles a few papers on Nino's desk. Frowning, Jun starts rearranging everything back into place.

His eyes land on that index card again, now flipped over and displaying a few words written with a black felt tip pen. He freezes.

_Hey._

_It's 8:14 in the evening and I'm still in love with you._

And there it goes again. His heart, beating crazily like usual. There isn't even a heart on this one, but Jun can't stop staring at the way Nino's neat, almost feminine penmanship formed these words—the words themselves probably not even realizing how much emotion they hold.

Biting his lip, Jun tears his eyes away from the card, shuts the desk lamp, and walks out of the room.

 

When Nino comes back two hours later and turns his desk lamp back on, he sees something written (in round, curly penmanship) right under his random scribble from earlier in the evening.

_Well, it's 8:27 right now and I'm still in love with you too._

Nino smiles and takes out his camera.


End file.
